Today is one of those days I’m convinced it would be so much easier to do a blog about food. Or gardening. Or making homemade soap. Or making homemade cheese. Or sewing. Or crafting. Or decorating. Or ______________ (fill in the blank). This business of writing is hard work and last week as I sat down to really start into writing the series I promised to do, I realized I do not have the emotional capacity to dive into that right now. As much as I hate going back on my word, that’s exactly what I’m finding I have to do. I just have too much on my plate right now and my limitations won’t allow me to add that too.
So what IS going on? Mostly, it’s this “emptying the house to get ready for the remodel”. Oh, my goodness – way more overwhelming and emotionally draining than I expected. And everywhere I turn there is another cabinet to clean out, more stuff to go through and decide what to do with, more stuff from what seems like a lifetime ago to throw in the trash. Cleaning out, getting rid of “stuff”, and making room for a new and fresh start. It really does feel like I’m starting over in so many ways. There is a bit of a grief process going on too, as I’m reminded of so many things that filled my life that I truly believe were in the place of what I was really meant to do. I missed my calling for a large part of my life and I grieve that deeply.
Even beyond that, I sense a few other things stirring in my heart – things for which I am passionate and that I feel like I need to pray about. I need direction and affirmation and courage and encouragement. Several of these things look exciting and fun and then there are other things that look big and scary and way far over my head. So, if you want to join in with me, I will take prayer any day, all day. For wisdom, direction, discernment, humility and that I will depend on God and His Spirit to fill me and guide me. I’m so excited about some of what is on my heart that I just want to talk about it and get people on board and get moving, but more than that I want to be led by God, so I sense a need to step back, to bring a few people around me who will help keep me on track and speak truth to me and pray with me.
I’ve shared with several people how God sometimes puts certain things on our heart to take us in that direction, only to take us partway down that path and then veer us off in another direction entirely. I truly believe that is how God sometimes takes us where He really wants us to be, not by showing us exactly what He wants from the beginning, but by showing us enough to get us moving in the direction He wants us to go, so that He can take us where He really wants us. I’ve said that to so many other people and suddenly it seems to be a very real thing in my own life. I think too often when this happens we start to doubt what we saw “back there”, when I believe we probably saw exactly what God meant for us to see at that time, only to give us new visions and dreams as we faithfully move toward what He revealed. Is this not where it is vitally important to be sensitive the voice of God in our lives, trusting that voice, and walking in obedience to it even when it seems crazy and counter-intuitive and counter-cultural?
I’m excited about what I’m seeing and the vision in my heart. I hope to be able to share it with all of you soon! In the meantime, prayer is a good thing and important work, so thank you for praying.
I still plan to get to my series, I just don’t know when. For now, the winds are blowing and I must unfurl the sails.